We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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