You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
