I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize