Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
