After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
