You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
