I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
