About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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