We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
