Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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