booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
