we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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