when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
