Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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