I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
