dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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