so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
