Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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