i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
