the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's the barista slut.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
