He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
