i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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