My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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