no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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