I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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