did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
