i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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