I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
