fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
