What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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