Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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