I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
