It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
where does the pee come out of this thing
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
