dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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