just come out here and I will go home with you...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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