i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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