k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
