You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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