It was confusing and full of hummus
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize