I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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