Where did you get a picture of my penis
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
