Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
