and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
