I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
