mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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