I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize