Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
