READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
