Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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