Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
