what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
