the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
