would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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