matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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