Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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