we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
