Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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