She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
