Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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