I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
