i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
