I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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