quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
