Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
