We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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