can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
