I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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