I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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