I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
not ubering you a puppy
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
