why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
