If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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