he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
