I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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