I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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