dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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