So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
