well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
