I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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