Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
