Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
