he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize