Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
