3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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