I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
