the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
