dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
