can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
