booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
