I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
