is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
