I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm passing your future prison.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
