Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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