I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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