i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
