I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
