either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize